INTERVIEW WITH MARS LORD, DOULA, COACH AND FOUNDER OF ABUELA DOULAS

Looking ahead to International Women’s Day next week, I wanted to speak to doula and coach Mars Lord of Abuela Doulas, the company she founded — a woman I admire for her education work in the birth space for empowered births, pregnancies and postpartum care, as well as her activist work building awareness around the discrimination people of colour face in the healthcare system.

I came across Mars and her work when I was pregnant in 2020 via Instagram. I’m not completely sure how, perhaps I landed on an Instagram Live, but I loved her straight-talking, loving nature and this, amongst other social media accounts, became a part of my outer circle of knowledge and enrichment at a time that felt quite lonely and disconnected. Mars became a "DM pen friend” and then a “Whatsapp pen friend” weeks before Mahi was born, and has been a wonderful check-in point on growth spurts and breastfeeding changes (she messaged me about the change to breasts that happens at six weeks on the exact day that it happened to me!).

During that time we've swapped tales of friends and culture. Mars’ work is incredibly important and I wanted to take this opportunity to share and learn more. Whether you have an interest in pregnancy or not, Mars is working to change how POC are treated across the board, starting with the way they are often dismissed within the healthcare system, which then has trickle-down effects on every aspect of their lives — and everyone else’s.

How would you describe your work?

A doula, in short, is a professional birth support person. Your doula will support you physically, emotionally and spiritually. There are many different types of doulas and there will be one for you. Doulas will get to know their clients with antenatal visits and be available via phone and email. They will talk about your hopes and fears and wishes about birth. They might look at how you want your birth to go and craft some birth plans. I'm a great believer in plans A, B and C: what you would ideally like to happen, what happens if it doesn't go according to plan, and a caesarean birth plan. A good midwife and doctor welcome birth plans because they get to see what you want and it's a useful reminder when you're in the throes of labour. Then your doula can support you through labour and birth, returning to visit you post-birth to debrief your birthing experience. They will typically go on call for you between 37-38 weeks until you've had your baby. This means that they will put things on hold to be with you as you birth your baby (or babies).

What made you want to become a doula? Why in today's world is a doula necessary?

I became a doula out of nosiness. I supported my sister over 30 years ago now, when she had her daughter, and I supported a friend when she had hers. Discovering that this was a career option really intrigued me, so I thought I'd give it a go, officially. I attended my first birth and when I left, I couldn't believe the world hadn't stopped and bowed in awe at the wonder that had happened in that room. I retain the same awe and wonder now, having supported hundreds of families.

We've always had doulas; it's just in the last couple of decades that we've given it another name. Women have always supported other women in birth. And what we have today is more and more people recognising that this is the work they want to do. This is such a pertinent question at this time when we see that more and more women and birthing people have come through the pandemic with birth trauma, and where trauma is the source of comedy.

We no longer live within our family groupings in the way we used to. Our villages are now separated by bricks and mortar and we live further apart from our “natural” support systems. Of course for some people, they prefer to look elsewhere for support. We see the induction rate rising to and above 50%, and the caesarean rate rising. This can't just be because of “evolution,” and instead has much to do with the choice and lack thereof we have in birth.

Sadly, we seem to be going back to seeing birthing people as vessels of birth, rather than individuals. In a system that is stretched and strained, without the necessary input to support it, people are looking outside for more consistent support. Our midwives, for the most part, do wonderful jobs and really truly care for the people they support. Doulas are there to be a part of the support team, not doing anything medical or clinical but providing that time and consistency new families are looking for. There's nothing, in my biased opinion, lovelier than a support team working together. I love it when I work with midwives and doctors and the birthing person is the centre of all the care.

What inspired you to start coaching?

I was rather blessed to meet the wonderful Maisie Hill (author of Period Power and Perimenopause Power) within a couple of years of becoming a doula. We both worked as doula mentors and after a meeting of mentors, we went to the pub. We were curious about each other, having heard a lot about each other in doula circles. Maisie retired from doulaing some years back and focused on her work in menstrual health. She went on to become a Life Coach.

We've always been in close contact with each other and one day, whilst we were talking, I told her that I was going to concentrate on training doulas. I'm perimenopausal and wanted to step back from being at births, but stay within the birth world and train new doulas. She reminded me that I have been a coach for years, I just hadn't labelled it that way. It took a minute for me to recognise that she was right. The doulaing that I'd been doing involved a lot of coaching, holding space and supporting families. I often had doulas call me up to be mentored and coached through different situations and circumstances they had going on. I've always loved it and so becoming a Life Coach was a very natural step for me.

I have the same sense of awe and wonder in watching what happens when I reflect people's minds back to them. Those aha moments. Those times when they recognise they've not poured love and compassion into themselves. There is too much to say about my awe and wonder in this interview. I love it with every fibre of my being, just as I did and do doulaing. I love people — and what a wonderful way to serve them. 

Maternal and neonatal morbidity rates are disproportionately high among Black women. How can we all work towards changing that?

They are, and we've spent years hearing how much it is the fault of the Black body. Too often it's been brushed aside with throwaway phrases such as “African pelvis,” pre-dispositions, lack of education, lack of money and poor diet. It has taken a long time for people to begin to look at the conscious and unconscious bias of anti-Blackness within the systems and structures. I'm really proud to be a part of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Race Equality Task Force, who are doing incredible work looking at practical ways to improve services for Black and brown bodied people.

Birthrights are another organisation dedicated to creating change. They launched a legal inquiry into Black maternal health and this year we should see the results of the inquiry. I'm a trustee and also a member of that panel. I suppose the easiest thing for us all to do — because let's face it, we need to work on the practical day-to-day as well as on the larger scale — is to look at our own practice. How do we support people with cultural safety? It starts in our own homes and personal lives. What do our bookshelves look like, and not just our children's bookshelves. What films are we watching? What do our friendship circles look like? Have we engaged in the conversation? Nova Reid has a fabulous book titled The Good Ally that I highly recommend, as well as Reni Eddo-Lodge's Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race and Akala's Natives. These are very good books that allow for discussion, thought and curiosity.

You train doulas of colour. Why is this work so needed? Why is it so important to have more doulas of colour?

I adore training Black and brown bodied doulas, and doulas of colour. It's important because representation across the board is important — to actually be seen, heard and have your concerns recognised, without being brushed off. Too often we tell Black and brown bodied people to speak up, when actually they are and have been speaking up, and what's needed is for them to be heard. The birth world for a long time has been filled with images of white bodied people and their babies. Medical books talk about symptoms and conditions according to how they appear on white skin. The need is great. With representation, more questions can be asked. More practical actions can happen and, most importantly, the mortality and morbidity rates are more likely to lessen and the gap to close.

Tell us about the BLA scholarship and what it means to you.

I know that socio-economics can sometimes hinder people from training as doulas, so it was important to me that Abuela Doulas set up an internal scholarship that allowed people who want to train to be able to do so and have their reading list and equipment paid for as well. We have an amazing pool of regular donors who give monthly via Patreon. We also take one-off donations. Some of the scholarship recipients have gone on to really carve their space in the birth world and they're supporting historically excluded and marginalised people. I'm committed to colouring in the landscape of birth, and this is one way to do it.

How can readers support your work?

You can find me on all the usual social media channels. @abueladoula for my birth and birth activism work, @_marslord for my coaching work. You can donate to the Black Lives Abuela Scholarship via Patreon. The best way to support my work is to listen, learn and act.